Getting ahead of myself
A post or three back I talked about how the practice had moved from it's long time established spot to a new location 20 miles away. I am getting ahead of myself. I did not realize it until I posted about Tom.
I can't recall exactly what I said about Tom. I have had this nagging feeling I sounded harsh or rude. I need to clear that up.
Even though Tom was gay, and I felt it was strange to have this gay man in a group of heterosexual kung fu men, I didn't resent him or have other strong bad feelings towards him. Tom was a very nice guy. Friendly. He never said or did anything to me that gave me a reason to resent or dislike him.
What bothered me most I suppose was the fact that he was very old and in poor shape. Tom must have been in his 50's at least. His physical shape was very poor. He walked constantly hunched over. Tom was very tall, 6 feet and something. The hunching over posture he had made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to go over and force him to stand up straight.
Tom had never done Kung Fu before. Yet here he was joining the group. For me it was about image. Mike had made it clear that image was important to him. He had apparenetly tried to rid himself of me a few times because I did not fit into the image he had of his group.
Yet here was a late 50's year old man, hunched over so bad he cannot stand up straight or walk properly, practicing Tai Chi and Ba Gua with us. People walking by would see all these young and healthy people doing exercises, and here would be this stand out person.
If Mike was truly as concerned about image as he acted, why would he allow that? Most real kung fu people who look at a class with old out of shape people think that the kung fu is for making money, not for learning kung fu. The instructor lets anyone join to make money, even old out of shape people.
My attitude was not helped by Tom's actions. I am guessing that as a millionaire, he did whatever he wanted. He was always the boss and was not accountable to anyone but himself. I do not know if this was the reason or not, but Tom, who had just been accepted and joined, begins to miss class. All the time. Not just once or twice but maybe 3 weekends out of the 4 in a month.
Again, who really cares? It was another example of Mikes deceit. For as long as I had been there, if a person did not make it to class, they were reprimanded. They were treated as if they should question whether they really wanted to be there. If they did not call to say they would not be there, they would be reprimanded even more.
Then in walks this millionaire in terrible physical shape, a man who needs discipline to get him into good physical shape, and he has the run of the class. He can come and go as he pleases. And Mike smiles that big Mike smile and says "Welcome back millionaire" every time Tom decides he can make it that month.
It was one of those insights I did not want to have. I was holding on to my angelic view of Mike with all my might. I had to beleive that he was what he said he was because I needed his help to cure my health problems. I believe all the family style, loyalty, doing what you are told, listening and thinking about what you are told, dignity, integrity....every single drop of it.
Then I personally witness Mike throw dignity and integrity out the window for the chance to hobnob with a millionaire. For the chance to gain access to and manipulate a man with large amounts of capital that Mike might have a future use for.
I felt dirty just thinking about it.
I can't recall exactly what I said about Tom. I have had this nagging feeling I sounded harsh or rude. I need to clear that up.
Even though Tom was gay, and I felt it was strange to have this gay man in a group of heterosexual kung fu men, I didn't resent him or have other strong bad feelings towards him. Tom was a very nice guy. Friendly. He never said or did anything to me that gave me a reason to resent or dislike him.
What bothered me most I suppose was the fact that he was very old and in poor shape. Tom must have been in his 50's at least. His physical shape was very poor. He walked constantly hunched over. Tom was very tall, 6 feet and something. The hunching over posture he had made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to go over and force him to stand up straight.
Tom had never done Kung Fu before. Yet here he was joining the group. For me it was about image. Mike had made it clear that image was important to him. He had apparenetly tried to rid himself of me a few times because I did not fit into the image he had of his group.
Yet here was a late 50's year old man, hunched over so bad he cannot stand up straight or walk properly, practicing Tai Chi and Ba Gua with us. People walking by would see all these young and healthy people doing exercises, and here would be this stand out person.
If Mike was truly as concerned about image as he acted, why would he allow that? Most real kung fu people who look at a class with old out of shape people think that the kung fu is for making money, not for learning kung fu. The instructor lets anyone join to make money, even old out of shape people.
My attitude was not helped by Tom's actions. I am guessing that as a millionaire, he did whatever he wanted. He was always the boss and was not accountable to anyone but himself. I do not know if this was the reason or not, but Tom, who had just been accepted and joined, begins to miss class. All the time. Not just once or twice but maybe 3 weekends out of the 4 in a month.
Again, who really cares? It was another example of Mikes deceit. For as long as I had been there, if a person did not make it to class, they were reprimanded. They were treated as if they should question whether they really wanted to be there. If they did not call to say they would not be there, they would be reprimanded even more.
Then in walks this millionaire in terrible physical shape, a man who needs discipline to get him into good physical shape, and he has the run of the class. He can come and go as he pleases. And Mike smiles that big Mike smile and says "Welcome back millionaire" every time Tom decides he can make it that month.
It was one of those insights I did not want to have. I was holding on to my angelic view of Mike with all my might. I had to beleive that he was what he said he was because I needed his help to cure my health problems. I believe all the family style, loyalty, doing what you are told, listening and thinking about what you are told, dignity, integrity....every single drop of it.
Then I personally witness Mike throw dignity and integrity out the window for the chance to hobnob with a millionaire. For the chance to gain access to and manipulate a man with large amounts of capital that Mike might have a future use for.
I felt dirty just thinking about it.
posted by Happeh at 7:40 PM
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