We cannot do it ourselves - Waaaahhhh!!!!!!

Quite a title isn't it? That is what happened. I suppose I could have phrased it differently, but I was so dismayed by the situation that I felt exactly what the title says.

The men's group had been meeting at Tom's house for some time. At some point along the way we had lost Jeff. Jeff said that he was busy and could not make the meetings. Jeff was enrolled in college and he had many other obligations. It was understandable that he was too busy to come.

It was also disappointing though. The purpose of the men's meetings was so we could get together and do things that would make us all progress. Jeff was the senior student in the class. It seems pretty reasonable to think that the top student in the class should be at any meetings or classes to oversee what was going on. After all, he was the top student.

Mike was not at the men's meetings for guidance. Jeff was not at the men's meetings for guidance. What was the point of the men's meetings if neither one of them were their to oversee or to teach? Without the leadership of the leaders, we were basically just a group of friends meeting every week to talk.

Lonnie was attending the meetings at Tom's house. Lonnie was generally accepted as the No 2 person in the group. Lonnie was not Jeff and he was not Mike. I respect Lonnie and Lonnie was very good to me. He treated me better than I deserved.

In spite of that, I have to honestly say that Lonnie is not a leader. Lonnie is a follower. Lonnie would drop everything to follow Jeff or Mike anywhere. If Lonnie was a true leader, he would have been able to stand his ground if Jeff or Mike were to go somewhere else.

So Lonnie was not providing the leadership at the men's meetings that I felt he should as the senior student.

As was stated, with no real leader, we were a bunch of guys meeting to talk. There was nothing special about us or the meeting.
-----------

One day Jeff showed up for the men's meeting. Everyone was naturally happy and sat around and talked for a little bit. Then Jeff announced that he could not stay. He had an obligation that he had to attend to. He had stopped by because he said he would be at the meeting and he did not want to break his word. He was sorry, but he had to go.

Everyone's mood dropped because Jeff was leaving. People looked at each other in a disappointed way. No one really knows what to do. They do not like that Jeff is leaving, but what can anyone do? Jeff leaves the meeting.

Everyone stands around looking at each other uncomfortably for a minute or two, then George says "Well, I guess that's it. Looks like no meeting tonight".

I was flabbergasted. George was suggesting that because Jeff left, there would be no meeting? We had all traveled to Tom's house and were prepared to spend the time for the meeting, and now we were going to give up because Jeff left?

We had been having men's meetings without Jeff for months. Why did this one have to close done just because Jeff stopped by for 5 minutes and left?

That is when it hit me how sheeplike the group was. None of them had any confidence in themselves at all. If they were alone, they might try to do something by themselves. But if Jeff or Mike was around, they turned into sheep.

I was so disgusted that I, the person that hardly ever talked or suggested anything, confronted them. I started talking about myself which is something I never did. I talked about anything, I don't even know what anymore. I just kept talking to show them that we could have a regular meeting as we always did. We were independent men that did not need the sheepherder jeff there with us.

You know what? That was really hard. The heart of all of those men were still with Jeff. Jeff got in his car and drove away, and all of these sheep wanted to follow him. I could see their bodies yearning to walk out the door and get in the car to drive away like jeff walked out the door and drove away.

They were completely mindless. It is hard to convey what it was like to be hit by the realization that these men that I respected could really be so totally sheep like. Especially as everyone of them considered themselves to be superior to me. I was the black sheep of the group. Yet I was the only one who had the independence of mind to not become a sheep.

The incident was so out of character for me that, can you believe it, the guys went and told Mike about it! ;) Next class time, Mike comes to me and says "I heard you had a lot to say at the men's meeting". There is George and the other guys standing over there, pretending not to watch, but watching because they know Mike is talking to me about what they told him.

It was all so weird. So disappointing is what I guess I want to honestly say. I lost respect for every single man in the group after that incident. I knew without doubt that Jeff and Mike were the only two men who were worth learning from and emulating.

The rest of them were mindless sheep. They had all been with Mike for at least a year or two. If they had not developed a backbone and a sense of independence by then, they never would. It was their nature, their fate, to be nothing but sheep for this life.