I am not a personal trainer

The psychological appointments were turning out just as I expected. I am not certain of the time frame of this one, but it connects perfectly with the previous blog entry about "what makes a teacher a teacher".

I go to the office and we settle in for the visit. There is small talk of this and that. Nothing substantial. During these visits, I took the tack of remaining as silent as possible. A psychologist works by getting you to talk, then dismantling the thoughts behind your words. Because Mike was a martial artist, he was a master at this.

I knew that if I said a word, Mike would find some way to use it against me. The less I said, the fewer weapons he would have to use against me. Basically what Mike and other psychologists do is take over control of your body. They use the methods they have learned to destroy the person you are. How you think of yourself etc. Then they insert their own views of what it good.

The only way to deal with a martial artist or a psychologist is to refuse to speak. You will find this defense mechanism throughout Asia. People will refuse to speak on the most innocuous things because anything can be used as a weapon against them.

Anytime you meet a person who refuses to talk about anything, even simple things, they are probably motivated by this kind of reasoning. Refusing to give out personal information so they can avoid being mentally attacked.


Of course this made things kind of uncomfortable. Mike knew I viewed him in an adversarial way. He understood I did not trust psycholgists and did not really understand why I needed to be there in order to learn Ba Gua or to regain my health. During the initial visits, most of the time was spent with Mike talking and me sitting there nodding my head.

It was not too bad. It is natural for a student to sit and listen while the instructor speaks. The student is not supposed to interrupt and speak out. I felt comfortable with my role of not speaking. I did not feel malicious or troublemaking.


I am sitting there feeling like things are OK. Listening to whatever it was Mike was saying. Then like a voice from the heavens that seemed to come from nowhere, I hear

I AM NOT A PERSON TRAINER!

I looked at Mike like, "What the heck was that". He didn't say anything more. It was more of the psychological games. Say something to see how I reacted.

I didn't understand what was going on. That thought seemed to come out of nowhere. It had the power of some kind o prophetic announcement. I felt like something very important had just been said.

I also felt like it was a trap. I didn't know what Mike meant by "a personal trainer". There was no doubt that he was sneering at them. Whatever it was he meant by personal trainer, it was bad. What could I say? I knew in my heart that if I said the wrong thing, something very very bad was going to happen.

So I kept my mouth shut and said nothing. If Mike wanted to further explain himself, then he could. We both sat there looking at each other saying nothing. Apparently I won because Mike eventually began speaking again about something else.


Looking back on that situation? I just dodged a bullet again. I think that was another attempt by Mike to get rid of me.

By saying he was not a person trainer, it would be natural for me to say "What do you mean Mike?". Mike could then say "Having to tell someone the same thing twice is what a personal trainer does. You have to be told things twice. I am not a personal trainer".

The way that the changes that make a person a superior person work, if Mike had said those words above to me, I would almost have had no choice but to leave. If I was a good person, and Mike told me he had to tell me things twice, and Mike never told things people twice, I would be a bad person if I forced Mike to keep me as a student.

Isn't that crazy? That is how psychologists and martial artists work.

About the only escape route available from that situation was to keep my mouth shut. Me, the unhealthy guy with not very good martial arts training did the only thing that could possibly defend me in that situation. Keeping my mouth shut.

It worked. When I did not fall into the trap, Mike was forced to move on in the conversation.

Mike did score a hit on me that day though. Before I had wondered if he was trying to get rid of me. After that day, I felt certain that Mike was looking for an excuse to ask me to go. Because I was still unhealthy, and because I knew without a doubt that Mike could cure me if he could only be bothered to, I resolved to never say another word if I could get away with it. I would never give Mike a handle with which he could grab me and try to get me to leave.

Was that bad of me? I was a sick person who was desperate. I honestly felt like I was close to death. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Mike could cure me if he wanted to.

Would you voluntarily walk away knowing you might end up dead if this man did not cure you first? Would you be willing to put up with rudeness or being ignored if you thought that in the end you would be paid off and your health problem would be cured?

I obviously thought it was. No way was I going to voluntarily leave. Especially after paying fees for a year or more. By that time I felt like I was owed being cured since I had being paying for so long. I was not going to leave until I recieved what I paid for.