Thursday, October 20, 2005

Prologue

While I am thinking about it, and this is still early in this narrative......

As I described before, I had been involved in a kung fu practice that made me sick. I understood nothing of chi or chi kung. I did not believe in chinese medicine or acupuncture or chi or energy or any of that. When I started to become ill, I did not know why. I did not even know I was becoming sick for probably a year or so.

They way the sickness worked was that it made you feel good while it damaged your body. It was like drugs or alcohol in that way. For the year or so while I was ignorant, I felt strong and powerful. I was convinced I was learning properly and that everything was fine.

The only reason I realized I was sick was that I became very sick after the year or so. I was in constant pain all of the time. I had excruciating head and neckaches. I went to the western doctor many times. I went thru the various test they had up to and including an MRI which, at the time, was new and very expensive. They could not find anything wrong with me.

I was in so much pain that I asked the doctor for something for it. She gave me some pills that did not do much. The pain, combined with my distorted view of myself that the kung fu practice gave me, caused me to begin to be rude, abrasive, abusive and almost bullying. I was suffering so much that at one doctor appointment, I practically bullied the doctor into giving me some strong narcotics for the pain.

The pills worked for awhile. They would blunt the worst of the pain caused by the neck and headaches. They also exacerbated the problems. I would not know this until much later, but the cause of the headaches was made even worse by taking the narcotic pills.

The pain was there from the moment I woke up until I went to bed at night. It affected my entire day including my interactions with others. I found that I could get relief if I took long walks. I had access to a large park near the ocean. I would go and walk around the park in the trees and the bushes for hours.

Later on I came to understand that it was the energy of the trees and bushes that made me feel better. My problem was that I was very hot from the kung fu practice. I was burning up on the inside. My guts and my brains were getting cooked. By walking around the bushes and trees, my hot energy was transferred to the trees while I absorbed their cooler energy.

There was one special place I liked to go. It was right on the ocean. A very small promontory of land that slightly jutted out into the ocean. It was a flat area with grass except for a very old and large tree. I found this spot secluded and peaceful. The level ground was perfect for practicing kung fu or doing exercises.

The spot where the promontory jutted out into the ocean was part of a bay. I could look out across the bay and see ships going by. I could also see the opposite side of the bay which was mostly parkland.

On days when the pain was killing me and nothing would help, I would go to that secluded spot. It hurt so bad that I would mentally scream "Help me! Somebody please help me!" This was not a one time thing. I would stand there for 30 minutes screaming that over and over in my head because it hurt so bad. It was not a one day thing. I found myself doing it frequently.

Which brings us to the connection between all of this and Dr G. When I finally went to meet Dr G, guess where he lived?

He lived almost directly across the bay from that point on that small promontory of land where I stood and mentally screamed "Help me!". Out of 360 degress of the compass, the one direction that I faced and screamed for help was the direction where I actually found help.

I have always felt that on some level, my screaming for help across the bay, right at Dr G's location, somehow set up the physical encounter that eventually occurred between us.

1 Comments:

Blogger Happeh said...

Psycho is such a strong word. I would not use it.

I disagree that the personality doesn't affect the teachings. When the man transmits the teachings, he uses his energy. Whatever his personality is, it affects his energy.

I had an instructor one time who was a sadist. I realized eventually that I was developing into a sadist. It was not only his style of kung fu I was learning, his sadism was coming along with the kung fu training.

8:16 AM  

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