The weirdness begins

The next day or so was the beginning of the weirdness. I did not know that at the time. Only now, years later, looking back at everything that happened can I say that this event was the beginning of a long string of weirdness that ultimately changed my life forever.

In the previous entry, I related how I had been at Dr G's house for a meeting. I recounted how a women had been sitting across from me and how she had seemed to disappear from my anxiety clouded senses. The meeting must have been on a Thursday or a Friday because this next event was defintely on a weekend.

I was involved in some kind of sexual situation. I was thinking strongly sexual thoughts. I think I must have been looking at pornography and having pornographic thoughts. I watched the show for some minutes when for no real reason, I thought of the woman at Dr G's house. The one that had apparently disappeared from my view.

Of course most people will jump in and say "If you were watching pornography, then you thought of this woman, we all know why you thought her. For sexual reasons obviously". That was not it. As I mentioned before, the woman was not especially attractive. I personally did not find her any more attractive than any of the other women there that night. The only reason I thought anything special about her at all was because she was sitting directly across from me.

It was something else. Some random thought. Maybe I began to think of the meeting and then I thought of her because of the way she apparently disappeared. That disappearance really made an impression on me. ;) I can see it right here right now as I write this.

Anyways. This woman's face flashed into my mind as I am watching this pornography. I want to say that once the face was in my head, then I actively focused on it. I thought about it like "that was weird what happened at that meeting. What did that woman look like and what exactly happened?". Once I had a picture of her in my mind, I felt a sensation as if I was pulling it to me for closer examination.

When I brought the woman's image into my head full focus is when the weirdness happened. I literally jerked physically. As if my entire body had run right into a wall. I think that I sat back the way a person will sit back if they are stunned.

I had the strongest feeling that the women in question knew I was watching pornography. I felt that when I focused on her face, somehow she knew who I was and what I was thinking. Her shock or revulsion at the pornographic thoughts in my mind from the pornographic movie most likely caused her to jump to the conclusion that most readers would. I was thinking of her for sexual stimualtion purposes.

I felt like her revulstion or surprise was so strong that she literally pushed me or shocked me thru this connecting mental link so that I sat back in my chair and felt as if I had been phyiscally shoved or pushed away.

I was so surprised I just sat there in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I knew it happened. I watched it all take place. My world view at that time did not allow such events. What had happened was craziness, weirdness, flights of imagination, a story from a book. It could not be real.

But it was.

I sat their fighting with myself. "Yes there is no doubt as to what happened". "No. That is impossible." I did this for some minutes. Then, in a feeling that I would become intimately familiar with over the years, my mind went blank. Thinking about what had happened was no longer important. I should just go ahead and finish watching the pornography and forget anything had ever happened.

So I did.

That was my first recollection of being aware of connecting mental links. Of how they could be used to control another person's behavior. Of how the ability to erase another person's memory, or to take control of their thoughts and steer them into the desired direction was truly possible.

I am an honest person. So much so that I cause myself trouble all of the time. I do not think that mental control of others is proper. I understand it is done with the best of intentions. Helping a person thru a mental crisis. Preventing people from doing bad things. Stopping unaware people like me from having embarrasing thoughts to others. Can you imagine what it would be like to stand in front of a person who is thinking about having sex with you? They think they are safe and private in their head. But you are seeing and thinking everything about the fantasy that they are?

The problem with this type of control is that it is power. Just like any other power it has a corrupting influence. These people eventually reach a point where, instead of using the abilities to help others, they use the abilities to help themselves.

They control people into giving them money and power. They control people into giving them sex. They control the thoughts of people anytime it is convenient to do so. They lose respect for other people and begin to treat them as animals, pets or slaves.

This apparently happens to even the best of them. I have not met a one of these people yet who did not abuse their power for petty means. One man I knew abused his power to get young teenage girls to have sex with him. In fact, that is a rather common goal. Another man used his ability to convince married women to sleep with him. Another man convinced people to give him money. Many others used their powers to get small and inconsequential things. The things that a person would ask a child or a slave to do for them if they were allowed to.

My problem with this is that I witness these people do good. Some of them really could heal the sick or help people with mental situations. I knew that they had it inside of them to do good. I could never reconcile that goodness with the petty acts of greed or selfishness.

The most memorable example of this was a guy I knew that could help people. He did not do it much but he did have the capability and the demeanor to sacrifice and help others. So much so that I actively admired him for it. This person one day tells a group of construction workers that he is glad he is college edcuated so he doesn't have to do the jobs of stupid people like digging ditches.

How this "angelic" man who could cure people's health problems could tell a group of total strangers that they were stupid and their lives were nothing, construction workers digging ditches, was incomprehensible to me.

I found it humorous that Karma made certain he learned a lesson. The man in question left his house a few days later to go somewhere. He reaches his car and finds a large dent in the back of it. The construction men had allowed a large steel sheet to slid off a truck and into the car on purpose. When the man complained, the workers told him to file a complaint. They were city workers and the city never paid attention to complaints about their construction workers. ;)