Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone!

One of the things that seemed important to Mike about the group was secrecy. This ba gua was a "closed door" style of teaching that was not open to just anyone. People were not supposed to go around talking about it or showing it to people.

This attitude was not a one time announcement of the rules or an offhand remark. The idea was repeated many times. Enough so that I began to feel secretive about the class and what I was learning.

There was a conflict here though. The entire purpose of the group was to "save the world". The group was going to do this and that in order to make the world a better place. The class was a start. The initial group was being taught so that they could go out and teach. There were various things that various individuals did that were meant to reach out to people to help them or inform them.

I had real trouble with this. I liked the openness and the idea of saving the world. Not in a grandiose way but in a way of telling whoever I met things that could improve their lives. I am happy and thinking about all the people I can help, then the subject of the secrecy comes up.

The secrecy made me feel clamped down or shut down. Like I couldn't breath. I wasn't happy about it and it did not make me feel good. I agreed with it on an intellectual level because at the time I agreed with the tradional ways of learning martial arts. Secrecy was an accepted part of the martial arts throughout it's history.

I am conflicted on the inside. This was not limited to class. I would literally find myself out in real life helping people by talking to them or whatever. Then in the middle of what was going on, I would suddenly wonder if I was giving away too much or breaking the secrecy rules.

One day there was a men's meeting over at Jeff's. We went up to the seminary on the hill to practice as we usually did. We did the group practice then split up as we usually did. I found a spot over by a doorway that had a light over it. There was a wide expanse of concrete that was perfect for practice. The light was so bright that it was almost like a spotlight.

I began to practice my forms which were traveling kinds of forms. I had to walk back and forth and around and about so that I covered quite a bit of the concrete area. At some point a man was walking by. The man stopped to watch what I was doing.

I continued to practice. People stopping to watch was a common occurence at all of our classes. I know I stop to watch other people's kung fu practice. It is natural curiosity. After awhile though, the man was still there. Usually people will stop to watch a bit, then move on.

It is actually kind of rude to stop and watch people. The staring of strangers can break your concentration when you practice. Even if they are well meaning. I always try to stop a ways off to give them plenty of space. What the people stopping do not realize is that the person practicing is generating energy. Their energy field expands around them as they practice. Even though the observer may think they are standing 8 or 10 feet away and that is no problem, the kung fu guy can feel them. It is like they are standing in the way of the kung fu guy's energy field. Because the observers do not know about energy, they don't understand what they are doing.

This guy stayed for awhile. He just stood there and watched and watched. I continued my practice for awhile, then I got uncomfortable. I did not like the idea of this stranger watching me do the forms. He could be stealing them. I walked away to clearly show I was bothered by the man and he left the area. After awhile practice was over.

We get toghether and Jeff or George say "What was that guy doing?". I thought that was a pretty stupid question. If they saw the guy, they saw he was watching me. So I said, "He was watching me". Then they all looked at me. I looked right back at them.

One of them says, "did he say anything?". I said "no". There was this very strong feeling like something was going on that I did not know about. I felt like they were trying to tell me something or get me to say something. I had no idea what it was.

Then they said "Did you talk to him?". I said "no". I think one of them said "Isn't that kind of weird?". Then they all looked at each other again. I finally figured it out. They thought I should have talked to the man.

I was setting there dumbfounded. I had heard from Mike that we were supposed to be secretive. Here we were practicing our forms. That man was standing there watching me. If he was a kung fu man, all he had to do was stand there and watch me, then walk away with every form Mike had taught me. I have learned parts of forms by standing and watching someone practice for 5 or 10 minutes.

I was doing what I thought I was supposed to. Being secretive and hiding the forms from a nosy stranger. Then I get back to the group and they are acting like I am an incredibly rude person who is maybe mentally weird because I did not talk to the stranger who could be stealing Mike's forms.

I told them that I had acted the way I did because I was hiding the forms. They all gave each other that look again. I resented that. They were standing right there listening to the same speech from Mike about secrecy that I did. I did not understand why they had trouble with the decision I made and my actions. I felt they were looking down on me for something that was their own responsibility. They needed to clearly say everything was secrecy, don't show anyone anything and don't tell anyone anything. Or they needed to say, show people whatever you want and tell them whatever you want.

I am not the only one who apparently misinterpreted Mike's cautions for secrecy as you will find out in the future.